Rules for Living in Austin

First, it’s pronounced AWS-TUN. It doesn’t matter how they say it in other places.

All directions start with “Go down Mopac” . . . ‘cause you don’t want to get on I-35. Mopac stands for the Missouri Pacific train that splits the expressway.

The 8:00 a.m. rush hour is from 6:30 a.m. to 10:30 a.m. The 5:00 p.m. rush hour is from 3:30 p.m. to 7:15 p.m. Friday’s rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

Just remember that Mopac IS Loop 1 (although it’s not a loop); Capital of Texas Hwy IS Loop 360 (also not a loop); U.S. 183 IS Research Blvd., Anderson Lane, Ed Bluestein Blvd, and Old Bastrop Hwy; 2222 IS Northland Drive or Allendale Road or Koenig Lane. Don’t try to figure it out. Just accept it. If you question the intelligence behind this naming convention, people will simply tilt their heads, squint their eyes, and stare at you.

When it rains, all traffic must immediately come to a screeching halt; ditto for daylight savings time or a flat tire three lanes over.

And of course, there is music. Austin is known as the “Live Music Capital of the World.” We have a shrine for Willie Nelson on 2nd Street and one for Stevie Ray Vaughn down on Lady Bird Lake (formerly known as Town Lake). Yes, it’s a lake – it looks like a river to you, but it’s a lake.

Manchaca is pronounced like “man-shack” we don’t know why. Burnet Road is pronounced BURN-it (rhymes with “learn it”), not Bur-NET. Koenig Lane is pronounced KAY-nig not KOH-nig. Manor Road is pronounced May-ner. The old airport (Robert Mueller) is pronounced Robert Miller and is on Airport Boulevard but is now a new housing development. The new airport (Austin-Bergstrom) is nowhere near Airport Boulevard. It’s in the city of Del Valle pronounced Dell Valley!

Keep in mind that the sloppily dressed ‘hippie’ in worn-out sandals and an ugly shirt is probably the latest millionaire around here...

Stay away from the Congress Avenue Bridge at sundown if you do not like the thought of being in an Alfred Hitchcock movie or splattered with bat guano (that’s also known as bat poop). Austin has the largest urban bat population in the U.S.